Boston—While aimlessly wandering through Mattapan local scumbag Logan Fitzpatrick, 43, whose recent outburst at Thanksgiving dinner was outdone only by his outburst during the follow-up apology, met his match after colliding with Will Pendergast, 50, a construction site manager and equally odious individual, on the sidewalk of Blue Hill Avenue. The two receptacles for human refuse, both believing the incident to have been the other’s fault, became embroiled in a shouting match that surprised absolutely zero passersby.
“Fuck you,” the pair volleyed back and forth for several rounds before eventually opting to emphasize the epithet with, “bitch.” Continuing the repartee both men doffed their matching worn-in Carhartt Arctic jackets and proceeded to enlighten their counterpart about how back in the day them and their boys would have totally kicked the other’s ass.
The heated exchange between no-good bastards reached a boiling point when, after a few minutes of correctly identifying the other as a piece of shit, Fitzpatrick attacked Pendergast’s home life, maligning his ability to be emotionally present as a husband and father. Pendergast requited the accurate assumption by divining that Fitzpatrick used anger and paroxysms as a crutch for his own feelings of inadequacy which he had inherited from his neglectful father.
As the ad hominems were slowly understood to be genuine diagnoses for their own personal failings as men the two stopped staring each other down and began looking inward at the broken little boys that had never fully healed from their own trauma. The altercation concluded with a tear-filled embrace which abruptly ended after a teenage boy driving by in a 2009 maroon Toyota Corolla leaned out of the passenger side window and called them gay.
