Berkeley, CA—A federal lawsuit accuses the University of California of illegally considering ‘breedability’ during its admissions process, alleging that the system’s long-term growth in the enrollment of five foot nothing Latina baddies with chunky yams and ungodly globes would not be possible under current state statutes and a Supreme Court ruling that struck down affirmative action.
The lawsuit, filed Monday on behalf of Asian, white, and other flat-assed races considering applying to UC campuses, cites a recent student body survey reporting a 52% Latina baddie population.
“I don’t see what the problem is,” said sophomore Trina Pemberton. “I think it comes down to spite from not being admitted and projection from being chopped.”
Transfer student Evan Bergstrom commented the makeup of the student body was actually what attracted him in the first place. “I have already gone to more classes this year than I ever had at my previous school. It’s the whole reason I came here.” This sentiment was shared by every male student interviewed by The Onion.
Dean of Admissions Henry Loudermilk took time at a press conference this afternoon to defend the university’s admission practices stating that, “We believe this to be a meritless suit that seeks to distract from our mission to provide California students with a world class educational experience.”
